What do two hunky mid-30’s male teachers do to celebrate Casimir Pulaski Day? Head down to Marquette Park to grab some tacos! Duh.

Glen and I drove to La Chaparrita to find out what all the hoopla is about at this grocery/taco store. I’ve been to a few grocery stores that also sell tacos, but this is a taqueria that also happens to sell a few groceries. The taco part is by far the focal point. It’s so focal, they don’t even sell burritos or tortas; just tacos.

I liked many things about this place. I liked to feel. The grittiness. The second-thought grocery part. The fact that Glen thought the owner was a little bit like the Soup Nazi – “Tacos only. No burritos. Just tacos.”

But, I also liked some of the little things they do here to make it unique. Their array of tacos is pretty impressive. I need to go back for the trinity of “foody” tacos: the tripe, the brain and the sweet breads tacos. They make their own salsas. One is a nice salsa roja, another is a hot sauce they make on site and the third is an avacado sauce that is magical. Apparently mimicking Mexico City street food, the tacos come with four whole grilled green onions and a supply of radishes. The owner also gave us each a complementary glass of tepache, which I had never heard of. It’s furmented pineapple water, and it’s pretty darned good.

So, the tacos….They’re excellent! The carne asada is very good. No complaints. The lengua is very tender and comes in one whole piece (you know, like a tongue). Also something I have never seen. The al pastor taco is good, but lacks spice. It is all sweet and no bite. The cecina is the best that I’ve had of its kind. Even though it’s dried out meat, it doesn’t taste dry. They make it work well. The star of the place, though, is the longaniza. It’s basically chorizo and by far the best pork taco I’ve had of any sort. It is seasoned very well and isn’t oily like those tubes of garbage sold at your local grocery store.

All-in-all, I love this place and need to get back….hopefully before the next big Polish holiday.

• Location:  2500 S. Whipple St., Chicago, IL (Little Village)
  
• Tourists:  Josh, Glen
• Tacos sampled:  carne asada, longaniza, lengua, al pastor and cecina (also have suadero, cabeza, tripa, molleja, sesos and campechano)
• Toppings:  onions and cilantro and limes
  
• Salsa:  salsa roja, homemade hot sauce, avacado salsa/sauce (not guacamole)
  
• Extras:  tacos come with grilled green onions and radishes
  
• Tortillas:  corn
  
• Atmosphere:  small, authentic, tacos only, groceries, friendly
  
• Price:  $1.75-$2.25/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  8.5
  

From the worst stop on the tour to one that ties Moran’s and Big Star for number 1 on my list: L’ Patron Tacos. After a wild night of working up a hunger by knocking down pins, impressing ladies with my biceps and slamming terrible beer, I took my princess and her brother out for some tacos.

L’ Patron is a relatively new spot. It’s generally pretty crowded, mostly because it’s very small, and a little because it’s super good. I’m not sure why there would ever be a half-hour wait for tacos at a taqueria, but there is routinely here. So, if you’re going to go during a prime dinner time, plan accordingly. So, how ’bout them tacos?

They’re VERY good. I tried the carne asada first. The meat has a nice seasoning and great grill flavor. It’s juicy as well and they don’t skimp on the meat. Next was the al pastor. The pork is cooked well and is very sweet. If I had to knit-pick, I would say it could use more spice (cuz, you know, I’m a taco diva), but overall it is an excellent taco. The star of the show, however, is the pescado taco. The tilapia is fried, but the chunks are nice and big and not too crispy. You can taste the fish. Basically, the opposite of most fish tacos which hide behind the slaw on top.

This place has great tacos, but the overall experience could be upgraded. First, they don’t have any alcohol (I know, right)! Second, they don’t do the chips and pico thing. Third, and last, on my bitch list, is the attitude of the sassy mujer working the register. No me gusta!

The other non-taco items on the menu are good as well. The burrito and is great and so are the gringo and gringa. FYI.

Here’s the breakdown….

• Location:  2815 W. Diversey Ave., Chicago, IL (Logan Square)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia, Johnny
• Tacos sampled:  carne asada, al pastor, pescado (also have pollo, adobado, chorizo, lengua, lomo, vegetariano and poblano rajas)
  
• Toppings:  onions and cilantro
• Salsa:  salsa verde and salsa roja
  
• Extras:  pickled veggies
• Tortillas:  corn
• Atmosphere:  new, hip, trendy, clean, small, crowded, rude
  
• Price: $2.00-$2.49/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  9.0
  

This trip on the tour was certainly a memorable one. So, where should I start?….oh, the beginning. Right.

So, Alejandro and I were planning on meeting Glen and Quinn at Picante on Division Street in Wicker Park. Glen got there first and called me to tell me they didn’t have any seating. Since it’s Winter here in Chicago (and a lot of places on this side of the Equator), we decided to call an audible. I remembered a place not far from there called Paisano. “You sure you want to go there instead?” Glen rudely interrupted. “Yup.”

Alejandro and I stopped there and waited for Glen. Now, this is where I interrupt the story to tell you how White I am. I’ve gone to over 20 places on this here Taco Tour, and Alejandro is the first Mexican to dine with me. Not only that, he’s the only Hispanic person to dine with me. Not only that, he’s only 1/2 Mexican.

Before long, Glen got scared and called me. To make a long story short, there’s a place on Division called Pizano’s, which is an Italian place. Soon enough, we realized how dumb we are and gathered at Paisanos. Quinn showed up, found

out they didn’t sell alcohol, and left.

Even the picture is terrible…

So, how are the tacos?

They’re terrible. They don’t have any seasoning, grill flavor, juice, flavor, crunch, bite; nothing. Maybe we should have followed Quinn. Or, maybe we should have just gone to Pizano’s.

• Location:  2429 W. Division St., Chicago, IL (Wicker Park)
• Tourists:  Josh, Alejandro, Glen, Quinn(ish)
• Tacos sampled:  carne adada, lengua, al pastor (also have pollo, tripas, picadillo, barbacoa, carnitas, lomo and chile relleno)
• Toppings:  onions and cilantro or lettuce, tomato and cheese
• Salsa:  verde and roja
• Extras:  chips
• Tortillas:  corn, unless you ask for flour
• Atmosphere:  dull, boring, unhip, not fun, opposite of neat
• Price:  $1.99-$2.50/taco
• OVERALL RATING: 3.5

I know. I need one of them fancy I-Phones.

I live about a block and a half from Taqueria Los Comales. I went there one time about four years ago. It was about 3:30 in the morning, though, and I can’t quite recall how it was. Weird.

I walk, drive and ride by it all the time wonder how it is, basically as if I’ve never been. So, I put on my hiking boots, pulled out the trail mix, and saddled up my philly for the jaunt down Milwaukee Avenue to try their tacos again.

The first thing I noticed? They have brain tacos on the menu. But they don’t actually have them. They’re just on the menu. Weak.

The second thing I noticed? The troughs of pickled veggies they have on each table. I counted 21 tables in the place. That’s conservatively 50 gallons of pickled veggies in the place sitting out at one time. I hope they have a lot of refrigerator space.

The tacos themselves are decent, but they’re very small and are a little skimpy on the filling. The bistec tastes pretty good, but I felt like I needed more than a scantily clad silver dollar taco to quench my hunger. Likewise, the al pastor has good flavor, but they’re missing the grilled onion and pineapple normally accompanying the marinated pork.

The cecina is interesting and is probably my favorite taco I tried. The meat is one piece of flat, quarter inch thick, grilled dehydrated steak. It’s different than the other cecina I’ve tried, but definitely better. It was flavored nicely, like the others, but was unique and contained more meat.

The wait staff is very sombre and the mood of the place is kind of a bummer. It’s a little dirty, too. Also, the enchiladas look good, as long as you like them soupy.

A lime shouldn’t look big next to your taco…

BUT, they are open at 3:30 in the morning….

On to the next stop.

• Location:  2148 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago, IL (Logan Square)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia
• Tacos sampled:  bistec, al pastor, cecina (also have lengua, tripas, pollo, barbacoa de res, suadero and chorizo)
  
• Toppings:  onions and cilantro, limes
• Salsa:  salsa verde, salsa roja
  
• Extras:  pickled veggies (no tortilla chips)
• Tortillas:  corn (muy pequeno)
• Atmosphere:  dirty, troughs of pickled veggies, stoic wait staff, 21 tables, 7 patrons.
  
• Price: $1.69/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  6.5
  

Terrible photo #1…

Did you ever want a friend that was exactly like you? Looks like you? Talks like you? Acts like you? Me neither. But, I got one, thirteen years ago. His name is Tyler. He’s smart, athletic, witty, interesting, funny and sexy….just like…well, I already told you. One thing he hasn’t done, though, is go on a taco tour stop.

So, I let my girlfriend out of her cage and we headed up to North Center to meet Tyler at Taqueria El Asadero. Asadero, I read, is a spot that has carne asada that rivals La Pasadita’s.

So, I ordered a carne asada, a pollo and an al pastor taco. What did Tyler, the person that’s exactly like me, order? That’s right, a carne asada burrito.

The carne asada is definitely good, but I don’t think it stands up to La Pasadita. It’s very juicy and has great grill flavor. I could have used some more powerful seasoning, but I’ll still consider it a very tasty taco nonetheless.

I had also read that the pollo is great, and it was. The taco has large chunks, which is the way to go to avoid stringy, dry chicken. The al pastor is very sweet. The adobo sauce gets carmelized on the exterior of the meat due to the high temperature grill. Very tasty, but very sweet. It also lacks the pineapple I’m used to….I know, total diva.

…and terrible photo #2.

Seacrest out.

• Location:  2213 W. Montrose Ave., Chicago, IL (North Center)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia, Tyler
• Tacos sampled:  carne asada, pollo, al pastor (also have lengua, chorizo, barbacoa, and chile rellenos)
  
• Toppings:  lettuce, tomato, onions and cilantro
• Salsa:  salsa roja (spicy)
  
• Extras:  chips
  
• Tortillas:  corn, double-up (uh, uh)
  
• Atmosphere:  strip mall, small, order at counter, messy, busy, strip mall in the city?
  
• Price:  $2.25-$2.35/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING: 7.5
  

Christmas lights already up.

Have you ever had Costa Rican tacos? Me neither. That’s why I decided to take my princess on a culinary cultural adventure….five blocks from my apartment to Irazu.

Although the basic setup is obviously the same, the tacos have a different seasoning on them that gives them their own unique taste. They only have steak and chicken tacos, plus a taco tico. I really think they just have tacos on the menu for the gringos that come in there thinking they are in a Mexican place…like me.

The tacos are really good, though. The chicken tacos are seasoned sweetly, and don’t contain chile powder or cumin. They are made from chicken breasts, and cut into chunks. They are very juicy, unlike much of the pollo tacos in the barrio. The steak tacos are also juicy, but don’t contain the same seasoning as the chicken. The steak is much more savory. I enjoyed them both, but didn’t care for the taco tico.

The taco tico is a taquito with a hodge-podge of garbage on top. I think I’d rather just walk over to 7-11 and have theirs. The taquito itself doesn’t contain much meat. Plus, the texture of the shell is like a double-decker taco from Taco Bell, but not on purpose. The toppings are: ketchup (I knooow), cabbage, mayo (I knooooow), and lizano sauce (a common Costa Rican condiment, kinda like HP sauce). Together, the combination is terrible.

Compost pile on the northwest part of the photo.

I guess that’s what I get for trying to be cute…

P.S. – Try the oatmeal shake!

• Location:  1865 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago, IL (Bucktown)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia
• Tacos sampled:  steak, chicken, taco tico
  
• Toppings:  lettuce, tomato, hot peppers
• Salsa:  salsa verde
  
• Extras:  chips
• Tortillas:  corn
• Atmosphere:  costa, oatmeal shake, rican, friendly, green and white, Christmas lights
  
• Price: $1.95/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  7.5
  

Even the bench out front is empty.

Jalapeno Grill just opened up around the corner from me. It’s the newest taco joint around. Who better to take to the newest place around than my oldest friend (in terms of how long we’ve been friends, not his actual age). He also has the hottest name around. They call him Josh….or Chip….but really Josh.

It seems that the word about Jalapeno Grill has spread like whatever the opposite of wildfire is. I go by it a couple times a week. There’s nobody there. Ever.

But that didn’t scare a couple of strapping Josh’s from rolling in.

To start, I like the setup and appreciate the four compartment salad dressing container they use for salsas. It contains a chunky salsa verde, a smooth salsa rojo, pico de gallo and pickled veggies.

The tacos are good, but I think they play it a little safe.

I started with the carne asada. It could use some bolder seasoning and grill flavor. The meat is cooked well, though. I like the lengua taco too, but it looks and tastes very similar to the carne asada. It seems to be a little disguised…maybe for the gringo white boys that come in? Maybe not. The al pastor is good as well, just not great. I could barely taste the pineapple and onion. How dare they?

Oh, and bring all your friends. There’ll be room.

• Location:  2910 W. Armitage Ave., Chicago, IL (Logan Square)
• Tourists:  Josh, Josh
• Tacos sampled:  carne asada, al pastor, lengua (also have pollo, carnitas, picadillo, barbacoa, tripas, chorizo, chille relleno)
  
• Toppings:  onions and cilantro, lime
• Salsa:  salsa verde (chunky), salsa roja, pico de gallo
  
• Extras:  chips and pickled veggies
• Tortillas:  corn
• Atmosphere:  new, not busy, empty, sterile
  
• Price: $1.95-$2.05/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  7.5
  

Stop checking out my dad.

Nuevo Leon is one of my all-time favorite restaurants. It’s not just the food; the no-worries attitude at an authentic Mexican restaurant; the tremendous amount of food you can eat before ever even ordering; the fresh feel to all of their dishes; the great price; or the fact that it’s been at this same location in the heart of Pilsen since 1962 (25 years before Frontera Grill opened, when Rick Bayless was at the ripe old age of 9). It’s all of these things.

For this special occasion on the Taco Tour, I needed an equally impressive dining duo to accompany my princess and me on our endeavor. Whom did I come up with? Michelle and Barack Obama? Snoop Dogg (Lion) and Dr. Dre? Ashton Kutcher and that little fat kid on “Two And A Half Men”? Nope. More impressive… My parents.

When you arrive, you are greeted by a large amount of chips, along with three kinds of salsa. They also have a bowl of pickled veggies, which are tasty and surprisingly mild. THEN, some lady swoops in out of nowhere and gives each guest a small tasty snack from the kitchen. It changes daily, but I’ve had a mini burrito, a cup of soup, a steak taco and a taquito on my recent visits. You can consume a nice amount of food before you get your water or charge anything to your bill.

BUT, this isn’t the appetizer tour. SO, how are the tacos?

Very good. I tried the carne asada, the picadillo and the tacos de sabinas. The first thing you notice is the tortilla. You have to. It’s so fresh, it comes out still cooking and piping hot. You have to continue snacking on the extras and give the tacos time to breath.

Then, you can dig in, and it’s worth the wait. If you have to order carne asada, as I do, then you’re going to be pleased. They have a nice grill flavor and the juiciness of the meat holds up to the freshness of the tortilla. The picadillo is also tasty, as long as you are ok with your tacos a little salty.

The star of the show, though, are the tacos de sabinas. They are served on a flour tortilla and are loaded, starting with the ribeye steak, which is seasoned and tastes like meat right off the grill. The tacos are also filled with grilled onions, tomatoes, jalapenos, refried beans and topped with chihuahua cheese. Deeeelish!

Here are the juicy deets:

• Location:  1515 W. 18th St., Chicago, IL (Pilsen)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia, Dave, Linda
• Tacos sampled:  carne asada, picadillo, tacos de sabinas (also have pollo, machacado shredded, barbacoa, aguacate, frijoles, chorizo, and bistec)
  
• Toppings:  lettuce, cilantro, onions and tomato; lime
  
• Salsa:  salsa roja, salsa verde, pico de gallo
  
• Extras:  one small item from the menu – varies
  
• Tortillas:  corn (flour on tacos de sabinas)
  
• Atmosphere:  authentic, traditional, historic, lots of food, fun
  
• Price: $5.00/3 tacos. $1 extra for mix ‘n’ match. $8 tacos de sabinas
  
• OVERALL RATING: 8.5
  

Kim Jong-Un and his new bride came here on their honeymoon.

When I think of tacos, like truly authentic, mind blowing tacos, there’s one country that stands out as the quintessential taco authority. That’s right, I’m talking about South Korea. I’ll have to do some fact checking, but I believe Kim Jong-Il invented tacos as a young man before sharing the recipe with his southern counterpart. And, boy, am I glad he did!

Del Seoul routinely comes up when searching for the best tacos in Chicago. So, I headed to yuppyville with my lady friend for the first stop on the Taco Tour not inspired by a Spanish-speaking country. So, how are Korean tacos?

While there are a few things I’d change about the tacos, overall, they are very good. Even if they don’t resemble the tacos we have all grown to know and love, they are just as tasty in their own right.

I tried three tacos, the shrimp, beef short ribs and the bbq pork. They are all topped with toasted sesame seeds and a secret slaw, (I’m pretty sure it’s just lettuce, cilantro and some type of chile aioli). All three are excellent, but the beef short ribs taco stands out as my favorite. Short rib meat is a little more tender than the spare ribs we’re used to in the good ol’ U.S. of A., and these are very tender.

All of the tacos are pretty sweet and need some Sriracha to spice them up. The shrimp tacos are also very good, but they use a breaded, deep fried shrimp, and I prefer grilled shrimp. I enjoyed the bbq pork, but they are advertised as spicy, and aren’t. A couple nit-picky things, but that’s what you get when you’re dealing with a taco diva…

Maybe a lil’ too much secret slaw.

There are a lot of other tasty things on the menu, including the kimchi fries, but I’ll leave those up to another idiot blogger loser.

• Location:  2568 N. Clark St., Chicago, IL (Lincoln Park)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia
• Tacos sampled:  shrimp, beef short ribs and bbq pork (also have fish and bbq chicken)
  
• Toppings:  cilantro and onion relish, secret slaw and toasted sesame seeds (except fish taco)
  
• Salsa:  sriracha
  
• Extras:  none
  
• Tortillas:  small corn, doubled up (except fish taco)
  
• Atmosphere: busy, korean-ish, order at counter, yuppy, busy
  
• Price: $2.75-$3.95/taco
  
• OVERALL RATING:  8.0
  

My booty call.

I have no idea if Chipotle stole Panchero’s idea in 1993 when they started, but they did. The actual style for this type of restaurant is Fresh Mex, but that sounds stupid.

Panchero’s is a chain of Mexican joints, 55 in all, the first of which is this location. It opened in 1992 and is nestled between the University of Iowa campus and the famous “Ped Mall”. My dad took me to a campus tour in 1996 to check out the school. Our final stop on the visit was Panchero’s, my first collegiate crush. If I hadn’t already decided to go to Iowa when I saw Ronnie Harmon carry the ball in 1985, this would’ve sealed the deal.

Throughout my four years in Iowa City, I would say I consumed a small farm’s entire livestock in Panchero’s offerings. I’ll admit, most of the stops were made around 2:04 a.m. (the bars closed at 2:00). All of the orders, though, from the first time I went, to my last when I was in Iowa City for a football game last year, were burritos.

This isn’t burrito tour, though, so I had to shed my old ways and try the tacos.

The first thing about Panchero’s is the tortilla. They press a fresh flour tortilla basically right in your face. They’re awesome.

I tried two tacos, the steak and the pork (so white). They’re pretty big. The steak meat is cut into nice size chunks and is very good. It’s seasoned nicely, but does lack a little grill flavor. The pork is good as well, but kinda falls apart and makes a mess. It isn’t dry, though, which beats most places’ carnitas.

Look familiar?

As for the toppings, you choose your own, just like, you know.

I still prefer their burrito, but I have to admit, they make a pretty good taco as well.

• Location:  32 S. Clinton St., Iowa City, IA (Hawkeyes)
• Tourists:  Josh, Julia
• Tacos sampled:  steak, pork (also have chicken and veggie)
  
• Toppings:   various, you choose
• Salsa:  salsa verde, salsa rojo, pico de gallo, corn salsa, hot sauce
  
• Extras:  none
• Tortillas:  flour (large, pressed when ordered)
• Atmosphere:  college, small, drunk, college girls
  
• Price:  $4.50/2 tacos
  
• OVERALL RATING: 7.5